Learn the alphabet with MAGA!
A is for APE
Apes are the foundation of the MAGA Cult. The most advanced primates.
B is for BANNED
DEI terms? BANNED. Not discriminating when hiring people? BANNED. Protecting free speech? BANNED.
C is for CHILD
Any MAGA waster will tell you that children are to be protected, but they are engaged in protecting a man who’s protecting pedophiles, so … who’s the REAL danger to children, huh?
D is for DONALD
What else would it stand for? You got a better idea?
E is for EXTREMIST
Without this crucial element, MAGA would not be anything at all. Never mild, never considered, never reasonable! MAGA is all extremes, all the time!
F is for FASCIST
When anyone else does fascism, that’s wrong, but Donald Trump’s fascism is A-OK.
G is for “GRAB ‘EM BY THE PUSSY”
All MAGA loons understand the importance of grabbing ’em by the pussy – this is one of the most influential and informative teachings of Donald Trump.
H is for HATE
MAGA: it hates everyone and everyone hates it!
I is for INSANE
MAGA is one giant, shared hallucination. Everyone in the MAGA Cult believes they share the exact same delusions – which are mutually reinforcing, creating an ever-deeper hole of delusion. There is NO sanity to be found.
J is for JOKE
Who hasn’t laughed at MAGA? It’s the funniest punchline.
K is for KKK
MAGA is basically a milder satellite of the KKK that people join to pretend they aren’t racists.
L is for LIES
Trump is allowed to tell lies, no one else is! When he tells a lie and gets found out, defend him. No matter how many times it happens, just do it! It’s MAGA.
M is for MEDIA
Media that attacks Trump must be destroyed and is now being destroyed. The media are all evil and must be silenced. The media is an enemy of the state and a traitorous force. All media who do not toe the line are part of the conspiracy. The media is all of your enemies.
N is for NATIONALISM
America First! The world is full of foreign-ness and other-ness, and America must be defended against it by MAGA’s extreme nationalist outlook. MAGA is all-American and proud! Deport all the immigrants, stop importing. Let’s become an isolated nation!
O is for OBAMA
Hate Obama as much as possible and don’t ever let it go!
P is for PATRIOT
All patriots are MAGA; all MAGA are patriots! Totally! Even when they gun people down! Don’t you know that’s an American pastime?
Q is for QAnon
Don’t be afraid to believe crazy shit, and then get everyone else to believe it too. It’s not just the official state religion, it’s a way of life.
R is for REAGAN
All MAGA want to return to Reagan-style politics, because we all know what a success that was! MAGA!
S is for SECOND AMENDMENT
The Second Amendment is the most important thing to MAGA! God, country, guns. There are no other priorities!
T is for TRUMP
Donald Trump is a God to MAGA! MAGA must never let him go! He is MAGA and MAGA is him.
U is for UNCOUTH
All MAGA must act like a total rube and look like a total hick, without exception. MAGA can’t be civilized.
V is for VOTE
All MAGA must vote Trump or be a traitor! MAGA’s entire political ideology rests on Donald Trump, so make sure to vote for him in perpetuity.
W is for WEIRD
Trumpism is totally normal and sane, don’t you know? Everyone knows that. You’re the weirdo for questioning it.
X is for XENOPHOBIA
Hating immigrants is a virtue in MAGA.
Y is for YOUTH
Trump is confusingly popular with youths. Is that because he, too, is a ten-year-old?
Z is for ZOG
ZOG is coming, MAGA, so get your guns! MAGA’s biggest enemy is the Jewish-controlled Zionist Occupation Government, so everyone keep your guns loaded at all times, all day!